Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
