It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
