She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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