i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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