He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
