Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
