Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
