I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
