apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I need moral support for this bender
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
A+ Viking dick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
