Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
