I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize