I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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