Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
