it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
