Well douche your snatch and let's go!
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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