I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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