The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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