Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize