The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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