dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
