you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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