i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
