I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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