her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i love accidental penises.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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