garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
