it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize