9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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