my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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