Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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