I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
