In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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