he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
