Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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