if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
