She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
