never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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