life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
