Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
