I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
