Nicole vs. Life
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
