in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
