I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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