Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
