Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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