what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Farmville is her only friend.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
