We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
