I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
