dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
