the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
