you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
