I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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