So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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