Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
