I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
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I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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