Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
