The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
