she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
