..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
