chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm getting married
To pizza
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
