Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
