I can tuck mytits in my pants
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
