I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
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it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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