i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
