You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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