halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
