I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
