Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
