Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
