I wish my penis had an off switch
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
