booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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