She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
