moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize