Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
