I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
