Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
