...so i touched it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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