Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
